Here’s to everyone feeling behind in life (plus myself)
I remember back in high school, I always thought:
Oh God, when will this darn high school be over so that I can go to university, where I feel much better and I can do what I love!
Here my happiness was conditioned and the condition was one thing:
University
.
A few years later, I made it to university, but then I realized that university was not what I thought it was at all, therefore, not only was I happy, but I felt I was wasting an important part of my life. I felt like I need to move on, to another step of life where I can find true happiness.
The next step?
It was time for a new conditioned happiness:
Having a good job
.
A few years passed, I did an internship, I learned, failed and failed again. I was finally able to get a job and work where and how I always wanted to.
After a while, I realized that working became boring and meaningless for me. just like the university and just like the high school before that.
I felt I still had to do something to make my life better.
It was here that I got into a vicious cycle, a cycle that appeared good on the surface, but actually it was moving me away from the present moment.
I call it the “vicious cycle of progress.”
This is where my exploration began. I soon realized that I have been conditioning my life, putting all the ifs in front of myself so that I can become happy.
But why is that?
Why do humans never feel enough?
Mr. Stefan Zweig says in one of his books:
“The desire to progress in us is amazingly high, people are always moving forward. This behavioral feature has enabled the human species to survive all the epidemics and catastrophes. This desire to survive and become better than yesterday.”
So it can be said that the reason I am writing this text now and you are reading it, is the innate desire of human beings to progress; Without this behavioral trait, none of us could overcome the challenges of life.
But is further progress the key to happiness?
I’m not so sure.
I remember reading somewhere two writers meet in a cafe and an interesting conversation is exchanged between them, which is worthy mention here:
First author: how do you feel when you see that many billionaires in this city can make the income you have had in 20 years of your book in only one night?
Second author: I have something that those miserable billionaires never get their hands on!
The first author says: I would love to hear what that is.
Second author: Well I have come to realize that even if I do not achieve anything, I am enough for myself.
You must have guessed how wonderful it was for me to hear this, I somehow understood the truth with my skin and blood.
Are others enough for themselves as we think?
When we look at “ successful “ celebrities, we think to ourselves that they should be happy and feel good about themselves.
But the reality is something else. They are just as enslaved as we are. They also feel how much better others are compared to themselves. That they should try harder to be happy. Just like what I did, they too put a condition for their happiness. They too are caught in the same “vicious cycle of progress .”
Now here comes an important question that comes to mind:
“If we feel we are enough, we may stop trying and not get what we want!”
This is a really good question and needs to be scrutinized.
Does a sense of self-sufficiency hinder progress? (Backwards law)
Many people worry that if they feel they are enough, they may lose the passion for life.
It sound ok. If life alone makes us feel good, then why try new things? Why look for new challenges? Why be alive?
Welcome to the great paradox of life, Where not grinding yourself to death actually makes you reach that goal faster.
Interestingly, this is even a rule called Backwards Law, which is explained in the original language as follows:
It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law ” — the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
Just think for a moment:
How can we enjoy what we do, when all we think about is how much better and superior other people are?
When progress is our biggest concern, stress and anxiety kicks in, and these negative exudates make us emotionally unhealthy.
Why?
Because our mind is so fixated on the goal and not the process of achieving that goal.
Because for us, the goal is much more pleasant than the process itself.
However, there’s more to life than just a list of goals that are crossed out.
What if achieving the goal is not important to us, and instead, might want to enjoy the process of achieving that goal?
In this case, we love ourselves more, even if we do not fulfill all the promises we made to ourselves. Now our self-worth is not torn apart when we don’t reach our dreams.
Conclusion: the truth about progress that you do not want to hear!
External success and advancements will never make you feel good. Money, fame, respect, and social status, even if it makes you happy, will eventually end in no time.
The feeling of eternal sufficiency comes from within, where you feel you are self-sufficient even if you do not achieve your great goals. This, even if it does not help us, makes us believe more in our abilities. This makes us accept that life is worth living even when all our checklists are not crossed out.
True happiness is a side effect of the process of doing what you love, note pursuing the happiness within the goal in the first place.
What should you remember after reading this text?
Instead of thinking about the result of work and achieving success and progress ( output ), try to experience the joy of reaching the output. That way, even if you do not reach that goal, you have used the precious time of your life to experience life to its fullest.
.
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Do you feel enough in life? How much do you think you’re conditioning your happiness to feel as good as others?
